SKYLIGHT

Mar 22, 2016
2 min read

***The following was written as a 20 minute response to the prompt: ""You are looking through a skylight watching chefs prepare for your ex-fiancee's wedding," from the book 712 Things to Write About. No edits included.***

This is a disaster. She was meant to be the one. My one. The woman who gave my life meaning and light, the heartbeat of my world. She was mine, and now she’s here with him. The bastard. Who is he compared to what I could be for her? Beautiful woman, where have you gone? Who have you become to throw the life we built together away? It’s too painful to watch this, let alone have you invite me here. What happened to the promise of forever? Of waiting for me to be done with school? Supporting each other through the thicks and thins of this meaningless story? Fuck you. Fuck your intentions. Fuck your wanting to have a child. You were adopted; why in god’s name would you deny that right to another child in need? With me? But there is no god now. There is nowhere for this selfish monologue to go. Up on this roof, watching the men and women happily cook for, “the best day of your life,” I am free. The sky is my partner, the clouds – arms caressing me. Heaven is my calling and you are no longer my reason. You are nobody’s reason. I will become more, in spite of your scars. In spite of the pills. I’m not sorry.

And I suppose I shouldn't be angry. Bitterness is a flavor I've become more than accustomed to, as of late.

And now it defines me.

You should be sorry. You should apologize for the trust I am unable to give to another woman. You should apologize for the wasted years, the ones that were “a mistake”. You should apologize for the text message that said, “It’s over,” and my distress over the lack of response. But no. That’s not truly what I want. I want you to hurt. To be fucked over as completely as I was. Am. I hope he scars you deeply. A divorce after the children are born. A loss of dignity and respect. A hatred from your children because, “Why can’t we see dad? He’s better than you.” And I hope you remember me in those moments. Remember our love and our happiness, and reach out to it in your mind because then, I’ll be happy. With someone that you could have never been. And now I can climb down from this roof.